Phew, post this post is the last box to tick in my today’ to do list…. seriously….I am tired.
Husband is away on business, I am left with a new cleaner, house, fulltime work, cooking, laundry, kids’ home work… ah I have to remember to have a shower every night 🙂
Also on top of that I am still researching on the ‘secondary school’ dilemma (it has not end and I dont envisage having it sorted until end of 2016!), booking summer holidays flights and accommodation, paying some bills online and more laundry.
I am typing on the perfect sound of my dishwasher, tumble drier and washing machine – all together like an orchestrated symphony!
There are a thing or two I would love to have the time to type to share with you guys but unfortunately it wont be today less likely to be tomorrow…. I promise soon 🙂
Meanwhile I leave you with one of the best demonstration of love I have ever read; written by Kristen. Simply because it is the exact feeling I am going to bed with today 😦
The sun is going down. We’ve sung the last song, read the last book, and tucked you back into bed for the seventeenth time. The day is coming to a close and I breathe a sigh of relief. All day long, I look forward to the bedtime hour. Two more hours till bedtime. One more hour. Thirty minutes. 10 minutes. As soon as you’re in bed, the cleaning starts. I pick up the toys, wipe down the counters, wash the dishes, and fold the laundry. Then the relaxing starts. I put on my sweats, grab my snack, turn on Netflix, and snuggle up with your daddy. Then it’smy bedtime. I turn the t.v. off, climb into bed, and just before my head hits the pillow, I ask myself,
“Did I love them enough today?”
You see, the day goes so fast, but the moments drag on and on and on. I know you don’t understand why the way you say my name drive me crazy sometimes. I know you get frustrated when plans change and people cancel and things don’t work out. I know how hard it is for you when I forget to toast your bread before putting the peanut butter on it and how life threatening that shoe to the head must have felt. I try to give grace because you probably didn’t mean to sit on your baby sister’s head … twice … in two minutes. But the truth is, I fail. So much. I snap. I cry. I angry text your daddy and threaten mutiny multiple times a day. I get sad and I can’t explain why. I get angry and have a hard time hiding it. I get lonely and insecure and frustrated and sometimes I say things that I can’t take back.
So when I get to the end of the day…the day that I’ll never get to have with you again…I go over the details, the highs and the lows, and I wonder if you felt loved the whole day. Once you’re in bed, sleeping soundly, I almost completely forget how hard the day was for me. In the moment, the chaos is so real, but when it’s over, it’s over and I just want to wake you up and say, “HEY! You did good today, kid.”
I hope that I loved you enough today. I hope that everyday you know that you are loved and that nothing you can do or say can change that. I hope that you see through my tears of frustration and know that I am so proud of you. You are the best thing I ever did. I love you fiercely and I hope you always know that. Not just in the long run, but every single frustrating day.
Did I love you enough today, little one? I sure hope so.
Shower, mindfulness meditation then bed… phew…box ticked. Nite xx